Monday, September 10, 2012

Seven Habits Of Unsuccessful Bands

#1 They get too comfortable at home
If you're in a band, go ahead and ask yourself these questions: "Do you have a good job?" "Are you an attentive boyfriend/husband" "Are you an involved and dedicated father?"  If the answer to any of these is "Yes," then your band is probably doomed. 

Bands that take their work seriously live on the road.  They don't have real jobs, healthy romantic relationships, well-adjusted children, houseplants.  They might be able to keep the loyalty of a dog back home, but that's about it. 

Being on the road takes groups of good musicians and turns them into great bands.  Every day on tour is a test of mettle for a band.  They have to learn to get along, they have varied and wild experiences together, they practice and tighten up their skills nightly in front of new audiences.  They live their music and become artists.  No local band can compete with a road-hardened band, even if they have more innate talent. 

If at the end of this sentence you haven't quit your job and broken up with your girlfriend, you have probably just insured that your band won't get much farther than it is now.

#2 They celebrate small accomplishments
It's tough not to get high on small victories, and in other aspects of life, we're encouraged to take a lot of stock in them.  But in bands it can be a huge waste of time.  Have you ever heard of a "Single Release Party"?  I have.  It's where a band records a single song, and puts together a show and party to celebrate the fact that now that song is available to be downloaded.  Yay. 

Small accomplishments come faster and easier to bands now than ever before.  Instant feedback on newly recorded songs, tons of small shows to be played, mini-reviews and little write-ups on music blogs are easy to come by.  The problem with all of these things is that they resemble real accomplishments, but aren't.  Hearing your Facebook friends cheer loudly after a song is not the same as rocking a crowd of strangers to the point where they explode out of genuine musical bliss.  But it feels the same.  Getting a glowing review on a blog you'd never heard of isn't the same as getting a glowing review on Pitchfork or Rolling Stone.  But it feels similar. 

Aim high and don't get too giddy over the little morsels that want to inflate your ego.  Years can go by coasting on these small accomplishments, and therein lies the problem.

#3 They fight
Just like unsuccessful couples, unsuccessful bands fight too much.  They don't really like each other, they talk about each other behind backs and are resentful.  If you're in that situation, just go ahead and get out now...you're already wasting your time.


#4 They never get good (or interesting) enough
This may seem too obvious to be said, but there's more nuance to it than you may think.  Many bands start off as very derivative of a band that they love...but they forget to move on.  If your idols are an amazing band, and you sound like a worse or "lite" version of that band, you're never going to get very far.  What successful bands figure out is how to separate themselves from their influences without one-upping them.  You can alter the vocal style, introduce a new instrument or tone, be crazier, be funkier, any number of things.  If you can't beat bands at their own games, you have to change the rules and make your own game.

#5 They just want to hang out
The opposite of fighting too much, is getting along too well and not getting anything done.  Some bands enjoy the company of their band mates so much that they don't push themselves as musicians when they're together, they just like to chat, crack jokes and catch a buzz.  While it can be extremely fun to be in a band, the music has to come first.  If "taking 5" turns into a half hour of roundtable comedy, you may be in trouble. 

#6 They practice once a week, play one show per month
The once-a-week-rehearsal-one-show-a-month routine is extremely common amongst amateur bands.  Those in that category can absolutely expect to stay at amateur status.  Bands need to recognize that this schedule constitutes a hobby, not a serious pursuit. 

You certainly can accomplish a lot during that time.  You can write some new songs, get tighter, and get better at your game over time, but it'll probably take a lot of time.  During that time of casual improvement, lots of things will change in the member's lives...new life goals, illness, babies, divisive girlfriends, etc.  When you're in a band, time must be treated like a precious commodity, and constant activity is the only way to stay fresh and relevant. 

#7 They don't write good lyrics
Lyrical content is the probably the most reviewed aspect of any band, not only by professional music critics, but by casual listeners as well.  Getting tight instrumentally is vitally important, but having great (and stylistically appropriate) lyrics is much more important.  Writing lyrics is a strange art form, and there must be a master of it in any band.  They must be familiar but enigmatic, poetic but easy, and they must fit together in unexpected ways.  The problem with bad lyrics is, they stand out from the music so prominently, that everything else will be ignored as soon as that groan-inducing first line is delivered.  Take more time to craft better lyrics, and the rest of the work will be that much simpler to take care of.